Alves Eats The Banana, Chelsea Beat Liverpool, Monday Night Football, Van Gaal In At United?

If you're wise, you'll stay away...

Oh, dear. We're going to have to be brief today as we slowly get back up to speed from whatever bug shut down SSN Headquarters on Friday. It wasn't Norovirus but the way it hit all of us we may as well have been on some sort of disgusting Carnival Cruise Line Cruise of Death. Engine dead, just floating helplessly in the sea, completely crippled with the toilets backing up on a big-ass boat shared with 3,231 other filthy humans. And Supertramp's Breakfast in America on repeat...

Those who know us know we're not big fans of Dani Alves. He can be, well, a bit rough at times. Over the weekend, though, his stock at SSN Headquarters rose considerably when he picked up the banana thrown his way and ate it. Take that, racist bitches!

Was it a Masterclass from The Special One? Of just an unwatchable slew of time-wasting techniques and child-like behavior? You'll have to make that decision on your own. Here are a few opinions:

Liverpool's Brendan Rodgers hits out at Chelsea for 'parking two buses'
Michael Cox: Rodgers learns a lesson
Chris Bevan: Jose Mourinho's tactical masterclass
Richard Jolly: Three Things: Liverpool vs. Chelsea
Barney Ronay: Not anti-football from Mourinho, but simply football

In terms of the other shit that went down in the Premier League, this should cover it. So who is going to win this thing, anyway? And who is going down?

Every picture tells a story, don't it?

We're going to try to get some rest so we can bounce back tomorrow with a mega-post that looks more closely at the weekend and also the Champions League matches to come. Arsenal host Newcastle this afternoon, and after Everton's unexpected own-goal fest yesterday, the Gunners have the opportunity to solidify their fourth-place spot. Also, there is talk that Van Gaal will soon make his way over to VanManchester to take over as United's new VanManager.

Apologies for the brevity and scattered nature...improvements to come tomorrow.

Onward!!

-SSN