USA Lose, Mexico Lose, Armenia Win, Agbonlahor Makes One Direction Clown Puke, Kyle Walker Does Nitrous

Ok, let's start with the main story, at least in our view. SSN Employees were forced to stay up far too late Friday night to watch a poor performance by the U.S. National Team. After Michael Bradley turned his ankle (badly) whilst warming up, the Americans lost their cool and never recovered, eventually losing 3-1. With Bradley's injury and suspensions to key players, the depth of the squad will be tested. Grant Wahl takes a look and it looks like Jurgen has already called in four dudes to help out.

Meanwhile, at Estadio Azteca, the U.S.'s main rivals Mexico lost to Honduras. Uh oh. You know what that meant for El Tri coach Jose Manuel "Chepo" De la Torre early Saturday morning, about three hours after the embarrassing home loss. Yes, this.

Yeah, we think that's twisted. Beer to Kevin Finn for the photo.

Andrea Canales takes a closer look at the Mexican struggle.

Over in Europe, England beat Moldova (yawn), Armenia beat the Czechs (WTF?!), France drew with Georgia (?), Spain cruised, and The Dutch drew in Estonia. Here's a full review.

In South America, Argentina and Colombia are closing in on tickets to Brazil. And Tim Vickery says that even as Luis Suarez is diving again, Uruguay are rising to the challenge.

Blessing the rains down in Africa are Cameroon, Ivory Coast and Ethiopia after each of those nations advanced in African qualifiers and will grace the playoffs.

Ten Talking Points? Boom.

Here is a complete rundown on The Race to Brazil that includes every region.

This is priceless. Louis Tomlinson is a member of the Band of Shit One Direction. He played in a charity match for Stiliyan Petrov. He got tackled nicely by Gabriel Agbonlahor. Then he puked. Then Agbonlahor got death threats. Good Grief.

Oh, yeah...that's the stuff...

Sticking with priceless, we give you this: Walker apologizes after England defender is pictured inhaling 'hippy crack' from balloon in Sheffield nightclub. Since when did they start calling nitrous "hippie crack?" And...of course...that leads into England's Hall of Shame. Did someone say, "Gazza?!"

Major League Soccer: Chicago gifts Seattle a win, while the Galaxy falls at home. Read all about it.

That's your Monday.

-SSN