The new season is upon us and Off The Ball will be scratching around the underbelly of professional football for the duration of the campaign to find the most bizarre, humorous and inexplicable stories.
This week, Manchester United's new £7.4 million signing is dropped from the reserves, Panionios fans dig up their own pitch, there is a phantom underpant slasher at Chelsea and Khalid Boulahrouz kicks a ball at a woman's head.
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