Quotes & Chants of the Week

"The way they are, tomorrow we will probably read I am to blame for the volcano. Maybe I have a friend in the volcano and I am responsible for that."
Jose Mourinho erupts after Barcelona express their disappointment at decisions in the first leg of their Champions League semi-final.

"That is it for the German porn star look, I'm afraid. It's gone for good because my missus just wasn't happy about it. She said she struggled to kiss me, even though she helped me dye the moustache in the first place. But I'll be keeping the mullet, even though I get loads of stick."
Coventry midfielder Aron Gunnarsson on the decision to shave off his dodgy lip caterpillar.

"It's hard to motivate yourself at this stage of the season, let alone the players. I had an extra glass of wine the night before the match, an extra fried egg. You do things you don't normally do."
Neil Warnock goes crazy ahead of QPR's game at Barnsley.

"It is a fantastic achievement. It's like swimming the Channel, doing the Tour De France and then climbing Everest."
Scunthorpe boss Nigel Adkins refuses to exaggerate his side's achievement of securing Championship safety.

"They were far the better team, we were lucky to get nil. We had our pants pulled down and our backsides slapped."
Tony Pulis on Stoke's humiliating 7-0 defeat by Chelsea.

"Oh Ledley, Ledley,
He's only got one knee,
He's faster than John Terry,
Oh Ledley, Ledley."
Tottenham fans pay tribute to Ledley King.

The Rest