The Joy Of Six, Liverpool/Tottenham, Arsenal/Manchester City, Barcelona Derby, Napoli/Juventus, Atlético At Athletic, Ranking Manchester United's Worst-Ever Seasons

Franck arrives at Bayern's title fiesta...

And so goes another week into the books. Let's buck the trend and begin with The Joy of Six this fine Friday. Most likely because of Rooney's long strike last weekend, we're treated to Goals From the Halfway Line and Beyond. Beckham, Rivaldo, Xabi Alonso...you know the drill. Good fun.

There are a couple of big matches in the Premier League this weekend. Tomorrow Manchester City go to Arsenal, and on Sunday Tottenham travel to Liverpool. Here's everything you need to be prepared for the weekend fixtures:

Premier League Preview

Premier League Spotlight

10 Things To Look Out For

Paul Merson's Predictions

Lawro's Predictions

The Special One has been playing his usual mind games this season, Saying Chelsea are a "little horse" and such. Richard Jolly takes a look at the Mourinho's power of persuasion.

Manchester United is not having a good season. We all know that. But how does it stack up in terms of their worst? We now proceed with...Ranking Manchester United's Worst-Ever Seasons.

We've got a little mini-scribe action this Friday because of the mid-week fixtures in Europe. Paolo Bandini is in Italy and he's talking Tevez, whilst El Sid Lowe is in Spain and he's tackling Real Madrid's fall from the top. Disfruten, chicos.

Sticking with the Continent, if not now, then when, Atlético Madrid? The Two Giants have their issues and you can sneak in an nab the title! Here's your complete La Liga Weekend Preview.

Thomas Muller leaves Bayern's title fiesta around 5am...

In Italy, Napoli vs. Juventus is the big one but it ain't until Sunday night. How do you kill the time until that match? Here's how.

We've also got your Major League Soccer preview here. The weekend in North American footie is highlighted by Michael Bradley's and Jermaine Defoe's trip to Real Salt Lake.

That's it for this week. Keep it tite.

Onward!!

-SSN

USA & The German Connection, Real Madrid Lose Again, Liverpool Win, Spain Lose Valdés, AC Milan Defeat Fiorentina, Manchester United Mutiny

Changing your shoes, Gareth? Really?!

More bad news for Real Madrid. They lost their second league match in a row yesterday down in Sevilla, while their rivals both won (although Barcelona and Spain keeper Victor Valdés tore his ACL). When Sevilla scored the winner, Gareth Bale was off the pitch changing his boots.  Oh, dear...

Elsewhere, Liverpool beat Sunderland by just one goal, and West Ham edged Hull. In Italy, Milan won in Florence, while Juventus (Tevez at the Double) and Napoli both claimed victories. Here's a wrap of the Serie A stuff.

But, let's jump back to the Premier League for a moment. Richard Jolly has Three Things to look at regarding Liverpool's win. And Andy Hunter was at Anfield and filed this report. In London, poor Big Sam was booed because the Irons struggled against a Hull side composed of 10 players. Dominic Fifield was at Upton Park and filed this report. Table? Here it is.

So, the Diving German persuaded yet another German (Bayern Munich's Julian Green) to play for the Yanks. Green has the potential to be the best of the lot. Green was born in the U.S. to U.S. and German parents but moved to Germany at the age of two. What does that say about the direction of U.S. soccer? Home ground talent?

Here's the roster for next week's "friendly" with the Mexican wankers:

Goalkeepers: Bill Hamid (D.C. United), Sean Johnson (Chicago Fire), Nick Rimando (Real Salt Lake)

Defenders: DaMarcus Beasley (Puebla), Matt Besler (Sporting Kansas City), Brad Evans (Seattle Sounders FC), Omar Gonzalez (LA Galaxy), Clarence Goodson (San Jose Earthquakes), Michael Orozco (Puebla), Michael Parkhurst (Columbus Crew), DeAndre Yedlin (Seattle Sounders FC)

Midfielders: Kyle Beckerman (Real Salt Lake), Michael Bradley (Toronto FC), Brad Davis (Houston Dynamo), Landon Donovan (LA Galaxy), Maurice Edu (Philadelphia Union), Luis Gil (Real Salt Lake), Graham Zusi (Sporting Kansas City)

Forwards: Clint Dempsey (Seattle Sounders FC), Julian Green (Bayern Munich), Eddie Johnson (D.C. United), Chris Wondolowski (San Jose Earthquakes)

Manchester United Mutiny! Crisis At Old Trafford! The media are having a field day, folks. Here's your lot:

Class of '92, Qataris to buy United from Glazers?

Jamie Jackson: Moyes Dead Man Walking

Kevin McCauley: Moyes is not the man to fix a broken United

Barry Glendenning: Scholes Hurls Grenade

Manchester United fans planning fly-past calling for Moyes to be sacked

Dressing Room Backlash

AS Roma. American-Owned. Tudor Investments. Like A Rock. They want a new stadium. Not surprising considering they have to share the old Coliseum with hated rivals Lazio. Here are some lovely images of what might be.

Hey! We'll see you on Friday.

Onward!!

-SSN

City Defeat United, Arsenal & Swansea Draw, Raphael Honigstein On Bayern Munich's Title, More Midweek Action

They've seen enough, Moe.

And a fine Hump Day to you and yours. Where else to begin today than in Manchester where City had little trouble with a very poor United. The blue side defeated the red side 0 - 3. Yes, there's trouble at Old Trafford. Elsewhere, Arsenal's comeback against Swansea was negated by a late own-goal from Matty Flamini, and Everton impressed in a 0 - 3 win at Newcastle. Here's your lot from yesterday's action in England:

Manchester United 0 - 3 Manchester City: Daniel Taylor at Old Trafford

Phil McNulty: 'Pedestrian. Predictable. Man Utd were a mess'

Kevin Palmer: Three Things: Manchester United vs. Manchester City

Michael Cox: United's tactics all wrong from the start

Jonathan Wilson: Manchester United disheveled again

John Brewin: Blue day at Old Trafford as City crush United

Manchester United 0 - 3 Manchester City: Five Talking Points

Alistair Magowan: Arsenal frustrated by Swansea

Miguel Delaney: Arsenal fail to solve confidence issues in draw

Newcastle 0 - 3 Everton: Louise Taylor at St James' Park

So the title race in the Premier League remains up in the air. Arsenal are pretty much out of it, but there are still three in the thick of the hunt. In the Bundesliga? Not so much. Bayern Munich won it for the 24th time with a record seven games to spare after victory at Hertha Berlin last night. Raphael Honigstein takes a look at a club that have outgrown their league.

Back in Spain, it's more akin to England as three clubs continue the push for glory. New leaders Atlético Madrid host Granada, Barcelona host Celta Vigo, and Real Madrid go to Sevilla. Here's your midweek La Liga Preview.

Das ist Wunderbar! 

Serie A, you ask? More akin to Germany as Juve look to have things pretty much wrapped up. They host Parma today but the big one is Fiorentina vs. AC Milan. Fiorentina are fighting for a spot in Europe whilst Milan are attempting to stop the rot. Here's your midweek preview. (Roma beat Torino yesterday)

More matches! More matches! Liverpool host Sunderland and West Ham welcome The Hull City Tigers to East London. Paul Merson is predicting a bloodbath for Sunderland at Anfield and a draw at Upton Park.

Get to it!

Onward!!

-SSN

Manchester Derby, Scribes, Marcotti's Musings, Escobar(s), MLS Power Rankings, Mexican Violence, World Cup Watch, Beckham's Miami Stadium, More Fun With FIFA

Don't know about you guys, but most of us milling about SSN Headquarters this morning are still trying to recover from the weekend's wacky events. But...there is no time! Manchester United host Manchester City this afternoon. Arsenal try to get back on the horse at home against Swansea. Newcastle and Everton go at it. And Roma host Torino. Let's get moving.

Tuesday Preview
Midweek Challenges

Team News

Manchester United vs. Manchester City: Preview

Three Players Who Will Decide The Derby

Paul Merson's Predictions

Golden Balls has big plans for Miami. Specifically, a new stadium. It looks lovely, Becks.

Scribe Time!

Where? Spain. Who? Sid Lowe. What? Barcelona and Real Madrid produce the clásico of the century

Where? Brazil Who? Tim Vickery. What? Remembering Bellini

Where? Italy. Who? Paolo Bandini. What? Sampdoria show their revival could be permanent

Where? Germany. Who? Raphael Honigstein. What? Bayern on course amid chaos elsewhere

Where? Germany. Who? Uli Hesse. What? What's wrong with international friendlies?

Sad scenes here from the Chivas/Atlas match over the weekend:

We've made it through three weeks of Major League Soccer. What's the most powerful side? According to Jeff Carlisle, you need to head to the Great White North to find it. According to Mr. Bird, you should go south to Texas. Bird also has his best of the week here.

FIFA. What a bunch of asshats. Here's the latest.

Right, so BBC Sport, with the help of European football expert Andy Brassell, is taking a weekly look at happenings from across the world of football and what impact they could have on the tournament in the summer. Go on. Take your weekly look. If you look closely, you'll see Ricardo Quaresma. Remember that guy?

We've got another candidate for Best Goal Celebration Ever thanks to Estonian side Nomme Kalju. You'll be bowled over, we promise...

Gab Marcotti is in the mood to muse today. He'd thinking about a classic Clasico, Marriner's mistake, Milan's malaise and more.

World Cup: 25 stunning moments … No7: Andrés Escobar's deadly own goal. That pretty much speaks for itself, right?

Enjoy the action later!

Onward!!

-SSN

Barcelona Beat Real Madrid, Chelsea Crush Arsenal, Tottenham Win Late, USA Hotlist, Rooney Wondergoal

Don't EVER touch my hair, Cesc!

What a weird weekend, eh? Barcelona edged Real thanks to three from Messi in yet another controversy-laden affair, Chelsea completely throttled Arsenal as Wenger's 1000th match in charge was probably his worst (why didn't Flamini start?) and Marriner sent off the wrong man, and Wayne Rooney did his best Beckham with a volley from 45 yards out. Let's begin in the Premier League with all the fallout:

Weekend Recap

10 Talking Points

Eight things we learnt 

Five Thoughts

Chelsea 6 - 0 Arsenal: Dominic Fifield at Stamford Bridge

Barney Ronay: Arsenal at sea from the start

Where now for Wenger & Arsenal?

Cardiff 3 - 6 Liverpool: Stuart James at Cardiff City Stadium

Michael Cox: Three Things: West Ham vs. Man United

Team of the Week

Garth Crooks's Team of the Week

There's a friendly coming up for the States against Mexico in Arizona. Here's the latest on the lads as the World Cup looms. Hotlist!

Oh, dear...

We linked to a report of the Clásico above, but Sid Lowe was also at the Bernabéu and filed this report on the scintillating affair. Not to be left out, Graham Hunter has some food for thought that he'd like to add. Jonathan Wilson wants a word? But, of course.

What else happened in La Liga? Here's a weekend wrap.

Over in Italy, Parma maintained their unbeaten run, Inter lost to Atalanta, Fiorentina left late to defeat ten-man Napoli, Juventus beat Catania, and Lazio played out a draw with Milan. Here's your weekend wrap.

Back in the USA, Robbie Keane and Jermaine Defoe scored goals. Here's your weekend wrap.

And finally, Sergio Ramos got a red card yesterday. That makes it 19 for his Real Madrid career. Let's take a walk down his ill-disciplined memory lane, shall we?

Onward!!

-SSN

SSN Canine Expert Hit By Car But Is OK And Recovering

Enjoying the pain meds...

Friends. Apologies for yesterday's silence. SSN's resident Canine Expert Frank was struck by a vehicle yesterday morning. He is doing OK but we're shutting down SSN Headquarters until Monday. There is a Clásico, Chelsea vs. Arsenal, and much more this weekend, so enjoy.

Onward!!

-SSN

Chelsea Win, Wenger At 1,000, Olympiakos vs. Manchester United, Know Your Enemy, Marina Hyde on FIFA, Cherundolo Retiring

Happy Humpday!

Didier Drogba's return to Stamford Bridge was a bit of a flop. Was it just a testimonial? Dude looked way past it. As did his mates Sneijder, Melo, and Eboué. If The Special One really expects Drogba to return to Chelsea, it will be in a wheelchair. Eden Hazard, meanwhile, whoa. That guy continues to tear it up. 2 - 0 to Chelsea was the final. Alistair Magowan filed this report. John Brewin was there, too. Want a little wrap? Done.

In yesterday's other match, Ronaldo scored a couple as Madrid won 113 - 2 on aggregate over hapless Schalke. Why was Ronaldo even playing, you ask? Because we sure did. The answer? To break records, of course.

Since Schalke is now gone, we'll take a moment to revisit an SSN favorite. Wonder how our old buddy is doing today...

According to Amy Lawrence, Arsène Wenger will manage his 1000th match for Arsenal on Saturday. Here are his Greatest XI, according to Amy Lawrence.

Sad news as word on the street has it that Yank Abroad stalwart Steve Cherundolo is set to retire. He's 35 and his knees are falling apart. Always an SSN favorite for his Bundesliga and National Team success, we wish him well in the next life.

Could FIFA's family be any more dysfunctional? Such is the question posed by Marina Hyde.

Liverpool are playing The Beautiful Game, thrusting forward, passing with alacrity, attacking as a potent force. Michael Cox talks the tactics that have enabled the Reds to turn into title contenders.

Sports Illustrated has a new series. Here's their intro: Over the next three months, SI.com will profile two valuable, but perhaps undervalued, under-the-radar players on each of the U.S. men's national team's Group G opponents at this summer's World Cup. As a result, the likes of Cristiano Ronaldo, Mesut Ozil and Asamoah Gyan will make way for their lesser-heralded teammates in this space. The first in the Know Your Enemy series is Germany midfielder Toni Kroos.

Back to today's action. The pressure is most surely on Moe as he leads his gang to battle at Old Trafford. Down 2 - 0, they'll have to go for it and make sure they don't give up that away goal. If there's another poor showing, you can bet that even the Prawn Sandwich Crowd will be upset. Is Moyes misusing Mata? Should he drop RVP? Should be a fun match to watch for the neutral.

Klopp = Joker

The other game pits Dortmund against Zenit St. Petersberg. Dortmund won the first leg in Russia 4 - 2, so this tie is done and dusted. Instead of a preview, let's take a closer look at that crazy Jurgen Klopp!

Finally, Jim White reckons David Moyes had an Alan Partridge moment at the weekend. Oh, dear.

Onward!!

-SSN

FIFA Corruption, Scotland '78, Podcast, Scribes, Chelsea vs. Galatasaray, Americans Abroad, Defoe To Brazil?

Yeah, that was a total dive, by the way...

Loads, absolutely loads to get through today. We'll begin with the obvious. FIFA is corrupt. Qatar 2022? Yeah, right. The Daily Telegraph is claiming everyone's favorite CONCACAF Asshat Jack Warner got some dough shortly after Qatar got the right to host. You have to pay (Oh!) for the Telegraph's content so we'll go with the BBC's take on things.

As we know, The Guardian has been running a series on the World Cup (Stunning Moments!) in the lead-up to Brazil. Number Six is Scotland in 1978. Enjoy.

And just what the bloody hell is going on at United? What's the plan? What's the vision? What's the frequency, Kenneth? Jamie Jackson asks these vital questions.

Podcast! On today's Football Weekly, AC Jimbo has Philippe Auclair, Simon Burnton and Barry Glendenning in situ to give the hot talk on the weekend in the wide world of football. We start with the fun and games at Old Trafford, where Liverpool, much to everyone's delight, gave Manchester United a right old tonking. Can Liverpool go on to win the Premier League title? And will a bad week get worse for David Moyes and United when they try to claw back a two-goal deficit in the Champions League at home to Olympiakos? (Inevitably, yes.) Also in the podcast, we look back on Arsenal's victory in the North London derby and praise Fulham for finally starting to perform like they're in a relegation fight. Finally, we round up all the news that's fit to print from around Europe - including Scotland, where it's a first trophy in 18 years for Aberdeen. Does anyone have a number for Derek McInnes?

The time to Scribe is nigh...

Where? Spain. Who? Sid Lowe. What? Rayo Vallecano's all-or-nothing approach is finally coming good

Where? Brazil Who? Tim Vickery. What? Why a fully-fit Fred holds the key for Brazil

Where? Italy. Who? Paolo Bandini. What? Donadoni wounds Milan but shows he may be their summer saviour

Where? France. Who? Julien Laurens. What? How many of '1993 Generation' star for France this summer?

Where? Germany. Who? Raphael Honigstein. What? Forget Draxler, Huntelaar is Schalke's real key man

Where? Germany. Who? Uli Hesse. What? Germans and penalties: The facts and the fiction

It's Tuesday. That means Monday Musings from El Gabber. Today it's Rodgers' flexibility, Messi's 'record,' Bayern post-Hoeness, more.

There is football of import to be played today, don't you know? Specifically, Didier Drogba is back at Stamford Bridge as he and his fellow Turks (cough) attempt to oust Chelsea from the Champions League. Chelsea got that all-important away goal in Istanbul but a lot could happen tonight. Here's a preview. In the other match, Real Madrid scored 34 away goals in Germany against Schalke so that tie has officially been put to bed. No preview for you! That said, please enjoy Five Talking Points.

Sticking with Drogba, there have been smiles and frowns, ups and downs over his career. Take a gander.

Yeah, we bad...

'Merica! We've sent some boys oversees to play some of that there soccer. Sadly, Bobby Wood dressed but did not play in TSV 1860 Munich’s 2-2 draw vs. FC Erzgebirge Aue on Saturday. Too bad for Woody. Here's everyone else.

This is quite hilarious. Jermaine Defoe scored two goals on his Major League Soccer debut and now wants to go to Brazil. "On a personal level, I'd like to score as many goals as possible for the club and go to the World Cup," said Defoe. Hah! Although it is England...

According to Jeff Carlisle, Defoe and his Toronto mates are #4 in the MLS Power Rankings chart. Here's his complete list. And some dude named Liviu Bird has his own Power Rankings he's like to share. Bird has Toronto at #11. So...

We'll finish with this: Keira Knightley loves Gary Neville's punditry. We have to admit, he is pretty good.

Onward!!

-SSN

Villa Stun Chelsea, Liverpool Humiliate United, Rosicky Rocket Enough For Arsenal Win, Pirlo Magic, USA Hotlist, Rivaldo Retires, Defoe At The Double In Seattle

No comment...

Whew! What a weekend! Loads to get through today. Liverpool deepened the gloom at Old Trafford, Aston Villa stunned Chelsea at Villa Park thanks to an absurd flick from Fabian Delph (see Top Five Goals of the Weekend below), Arsenal managed to edge Spurs at White Hart Lane in a match played at a crazy pace for 90 minutes, Barcelona scored seven as Messi hit another milestone, Milan lost again, and Ronaldo scored the only goal as Real Madrid won at Malaga. And there was some Major League Soccer, too. We'll begin in England:

10 Talking Points from the Weekend

Best of the Weekend

Henry Winter: Shameful United suffer humiliation

Phil McNulty: Liverpool can win the title

Miguel Delaney on Tottenham/Arsenal: Psychological Warfare

John Brewin: Three Things: Manchester United vs. Liverpool

Jamie Jackson: Five Talking Points: Manchester United vs. Liverpool

Kevin Palmer: Three Things: Tottenham vs. Arsenal

Barney Ronay: Spurs fail to calm Sherwood

Richard Jolly on Tactics: Liverpool's diamond, selfless Santi

Team of the Weekend

Garth Crooks's Team of the Weekend

Top Five Goals of the Weekend

Stefan Szymanski of Soccernomics fame has a very brief, concise piece about why MLS can't provide a decent product on the pitch. The comments are quite entertaining. Cheers to David for pointing us in the right direction.

Speaking of MLS, here are Five Things We Learned from Week 2. And, according to the official MLS Website, here is Your one-stop shop for the absolute best MLS Week 2 had to offer. They call it ICYMI, which is short for In Case You Missed It. Brilliant. We love it...

We mentioned Andrea Pirlo and the word "magic" up top this morning. The reason? Another brilliant free-kick, this time late in Juve's match at Genoa with the game scoreless. The result? Genoa 0 - 1 Juventus. Here's Pirlo's strike and all the other Best Goals of the Weekend.

Right, so Juve will win Serie A this year for the 3,224th time. But there are still plenty of story-lines as clubs fight for Europe and to avoid the drop. Here's a wrap of the weekend action in Italy.

Over in Spain, shocking news as the top three all won and Ronaldo, Messi, and Costa played exceptionally well. Here's your weekend wrap.

Hot, hot, hot! Who's hot? Who's not? Joe Corona? Definitely Hot. Eric Lichaj? Not.

We mentioned in the subject line that Rivaldo has finally retired. Despite his incredible career, we took a quick poll amongst the SSN Headquarters staff, and sadly we'll remember him mainly for this:

Onward!!

-SSN

Tottenham vs. Arsenal, Liverpool vs. Manchester United, Seattle vs. Toronto, Top Tenner, Europa League Wrap, Barney Ronay on Xavi

The pick of the weekend litter resides firmly in the Premier League this weekend as Arsenal travel the 4.6 miles to White Hart Lane to face Spurs while Liverpool travel the 34.5 miles to face Manchester United at Old Trafford. Both of those matches are on Sunday.

Speaking of Spurs, they went down at home to Benfica yesterday so it looks like their Europa League journey is kaput. In the other match of note, Fiorentina snatched a draw at Juve. Here's a wrap. Also kaput are the European adventures of Manchester City and Arsenal. Michael Cox is a tactical genius and ponders this question: What must English sides do to compete with Europe's elite?

Right. Back to the Premier League. Here's all you need to know so you can act like you know:

Premier League Preview

10 Things To Look Out For
Premier League Spotlight

Manchester United vs. Liverpool: Key Tactical Battles

Mark Ogden: United/Liverpool their biggest clash in 20 years

Jan Molby: Moyes and United in danger of being humiliated by Liverpool

Three reasons why Manchester United can beat Liverpool

Tottenham Hotspur v Arsenal: Preview 

Paul Merson's Predictions

Lawro's Predictions

USA Premier League TV Schedule

Ooooo. The Top Tenner is Goal Celebrations. Cantona will be in there, no doubt. Go to 1:58 in the video below.

We mentioned the woe of Uli Hoeness yesterday. German expert Raphael Honigstein looks at the situation in more depth and says Bayern Munich has been left rudderless. 

No big match-ups on paper in Serie A this weekend. Perhaps we need to dig a bit deeper to find where the excitement resides. Here's your preview of the action in Italy.

No big match-ups on paper in La Liga this weekend. Perhaps we need to dig a bit deeper to find where the excitement resides. Here's your preview of the action in Spain.

In Major League Soccer it's all about Clint vs. Michael. Here's a weekend preview. Two Yanks who should be playing in Europe but are not for some reason. Anyway, that match is out in Seattle where they have turf. And Ryan Nelson don't like it one bit.

We promised you Barney Ronay on Xavi. Does this tempt you? And yet even in an age when all elite-level football is unavoidably Xavi-tinged, where every variation is on some level a Xavi-variation – and where midway through yet another standard-issue exhibition of shared possession football he must feel at times as though he's surrounded by high-grade imperial imposters, cocked hats twitching, hands clasped in the nape of their frock coats – he remains still very clearly the real thing, the real Napoleon. Likewise. Here's the piece in its entirety.

Memories...of the way we were...we'll conclude with memories of the North London Derby featuring such luminaries as Ray Parlour, Darren Anderton, and Jamie Redknapp. Have a good one!

Onward!!

-SSN

Barcelona & PSG Advance, Claudio Marchisio Underwear Interview, Uli Hoeness Sentenced To Jail, Cantona Arrested, Europa League, More Fun With Nicklas Bendtner, Tim Vickery In Brazil

As expected, Barcelona and PSG advanced to the Final Eight of the Champions League. The Barca/City match was on at SSN Headquarters and it offered some fun. Mainly in form of wondering why James Milner was on the pitch. Here's your lot of analysis and thoughts and things and such:

Sid Lowe at Camp Nou: One flick of Messi's left foot ends talk of crisis

Graham Hunter: After weeks of struggle, Barcelona get it right

Mark Ogden: Four Talking Points

Barcelona 2 - 1 Manchester City: Five Talking Points

The Nou Camp Verdict

Paris St-Germain 2 - 1 Bayer Leverkusen: Report

PSG vs. Leverkusen: Three Things

Who doesn't love gorgeous Italian men hanging out in the D&G tighties?

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Oops. Bayern President and World Cup winner Uli Hoeness has been sentenced to three years in prison for tax evasion. Das is not goot.

Oops II. Everybody's favorite Danish drunk Nicklas Bendtner is back in the news. Per usual, it's not for the "right" reasons. Here's what the cabbie in Copenhagen had to say: "He stood at the back of the car and rubbed up against the side window after unbuttoning his pants while he whipped the cab with his belt and shouted he wanted to 'fuck me'," he added. "I've had drunks and alcoholics in my cab in Copenhagen over the last 25 years, but I've never experienced anything like this." 

Oops III. What is it with bad behavior? Eric Cantona was arrested for assault.

Back to Brazil now, where Tim Vickery is taking a look at ticket sales. He's even attempted to buy some himself.

That other European club competition is today. Juventus and Fiorentina clash for the second time in a week, and Tottenham host Benfica. There are other matches but we're not terribly interested in them.

And we out.

Onward!

-SSN

Bayern Munich And Atlético Madrid Advance, Barcelona vs. Manchester City, Holden Has Surgery, Fiorentina Focus

Really?

As expected, Arsenal were unable to overturn the deficit in Munich. The match finished 1 - 1. In Madrid, Milan also failed to overturn the deficit. The match finished 4 - 1. Here's your info:

Champions League: Tuesday Review

Bayern Munich 1 - 1 Arsenal: Daniel Taylor at the Allianz Arena

Atlético Madrid 4 - 1 AC Milan: Report

Jonathan Wilson: Arsenal gain morale, but little else

Three Things: Atletico Madrid vs. AC Milan

David Hytner: Arsenal keep dignity intact

Bayern Munich progress soured by Arjen Robben’s dismal conduct

So, Milan are out. According to Gab Marcotti, that means the time is now for Seedorf to change the squad. Just how do you fix Milan? And, from a business perspective, what's gone wrong with Italian football? 20 years ago Serie A was exceptional. Now...not so much.

Poor Stuart Holden. Another knee injury, another surgery, another six to nine months out. You gotta feel for the guy. He was really beginning to break through prior to breaking down. It's hard to believe he's already 28.

Déjà vu all over again: Holden goes under the knife.

The Gentlemen Ultra has this great series going called, "Serie A Alternative Club Guide." The latest is Fiorentina. Fiorentina has always been a favorite club of those around SSN Headquarters so we're quite pleased to share this latest piece. Batigol!!

Matches today beginning at 3:45pm EDT: Barcelona vs. Manchester City? Check. Paris Saint-Germain vs. Bayer Leverkusen? Check. Messi vs. Aguero? Check.

Onward!!

-SSN

Bayern Munich vs. Arsenal, Atlético Madrid vs. AC Milan, Scribes, Víctor Valdés, Neymar, More MLS

The Chaaaaaampeeeeeoooonnnnnss! Yes, it's back today. Europe's (and the planet's) top club competition returns on this fair Tuesday. So Arsenal go to Munich down 0 - 2 from the first leg. Miguel Delaney reminds us that there have been only six occasions when a side have still gone through a tie after losing the first leg at home. Meanwhile, Milan go to Madrid down 0 - 1. Miguel Delaney reminds us...

Here's your lot for this afternoon. Remember that clocks have not yet changed in Europe so kick-offs are at 3:45 EDT.

Bayern Munich vs. Arsenal: Preview

Atlético Madrid vs. AC Milan: Preview

Henry Winter: How Pep Made The Best Better

Daniel Taylor in Munich: Arsenal Await Mission Impossible

Michael Cox: Unlike Simeone's Atletico, Seedorf's Milan still searching for identity

Kevin Palmer: Five Talking Points

Jeremy Wilson: Win Win For Arsenal In Munich

Remember Adel Taarabt? Talented QPR guy who flitted in and out of matches and seemed mentally absent at times? Well, he's thriving at Milan. Loftus Road to the San Siro. A move we'd all like to make, right? Lucky bastard.

That league...
Major League Soccer: Five Things We Learned This Weekend
Major League Soccer: Power Rankings
Major League Soccer: Power Ranking II
Major League Soccer: Best XI

Check out Ribery in the background...

The Big Interview this week is with Barcelona's keeper Víctor Valdés. And the interviewer is Sid Lowe. Enjoy.

Scribe Time!

Where? Spain. Who? Sid Lowe. What? Vultures circle around Camp Nou

Where? Brazil Who? Tim Vickery. What? Path clear for Brazil v Argentina final

Where? Italy. Who? Paolo Bandini. What? Napoli stick to script against Roma

Where? Germany. Who? Raphael Honigstein. What? Hoeness, honesty and the Werder Bremen penalty that was, then wasn't

Where? Germany. Who? Uli Hesse. What? Lives lived for football

Oh, boy. It's Tuesday so that must mean Monday Musings from Gab Marcotti. This week it's Man City's rot, Barca's slump, Bayern's record push, more.

So this Neymar thing. We've not really covered it because it's about money and it's not on the pitch, and, frankly, we don't care. But David Bond has an excellent article about how the investigation began and how it's damaged the brand of the club. Read.

The Guardian has this series of World Cup moments or something. Here's No. 5: Zinedine Zidane's head-butt

Enjoy the action this afternoon.

Onward!!

-SSN

Wigan Stun City, Valladolid Shock Barcelona, Arsenal Beat Everton, Chelsea Crush Spurs, MLS Gets Going, Juve Beat Fiorentina, Napoli Beat Roma

No...

Hello, Monday! Some shockers over the weekend! Notably, Manchester City lost to Wigan in the FA Cup, and Barcelona lost to Valladolid in La Liga. Why a club with the money of City continues to play Martin Demichelis is beyond us. When he was purchased it seemed a solid buy to have an experienced defensive player on the bench in case of an emergency. Instead, he's played loads, made plenty of errors, and yet continues to maintain his place in the starting 11. Incredible. Wigan will now face Arsenal (4-1 winners over Everton -- the scoreline is flattering) in their Cup Semi next month. We'll begin with Premier League and FA Cup action before moving across Europe and then back to the United States...

10 talking points from the weekend's action

Premier League Review

Henry Winter: City did not treat FA Cup with respect

Jonathan Wilson: Wigan take advantage of fated rematch with Man City

Richard Jolly: Three Things: Man City vs. Wigan

Phil McNulty: Oxlade-Chamberlain and Barkley state their World Cup case

Michael Cox: Rösler's ruse keeps Wigan on front foot against City

Chris Bevan: City quadruple dreams ended by one of their own

Peter Berlin: Five Thoughts

Stuart James: van Persie a shadow for Manchester United

Barney Ronay: Özil as he puts night of jeers behind him

Garth Crooks's Team of the Week

As noted above, Barcelona suffered a shock defeat at Valladolid that leaves them off the pace for the title in Spain. Guillem Balague claims it's simply a case of the Catalans continuing "Toward the Inevitable End of Their Cycle of Dominance." Gotta give Guillem props because he's been saying this was underway for a while. More on Spain tomorrow with Scribes.

Over in Italy, Juventus topped Fiorentina thanks to a ridiculous bit of skill from Asamoah. See the gif below. Roma's dreams of Scudetto are done thanks to a loss to Napoli, and Inter Milan continue to enjoy a late-season surge. More on Italy tomorrow with Scribes.

Since we're on the Continent at the moment, let's take a moment to check in on The title hunt in Europe's top leagues.

Gerald Kwadwo Asamoah's sick goal for Juve...

Right. So, Major League Soccer kicked off over the weekend. Let's go to Ives for a look at how things went. Apparently, some of the "revamped" sides did quite well in their openers. Sticking with MLS, this Anti-MLS piece in Deadspin has been getting some attention. It's certainly well worth a read.

"Inside: U.S. Soccer’s March to Brazil." That's the title of a series that ESPN has ready to go beginning May 13. Should be interesting. Maybe. Actually, it could really suck.

Onward!!

-SSN

Club Football Returns, FA Cup, Football Quotes, Major League Soccer, Chelsea/Tottenham

And what a week it was.

So...Major League Soccer kicks off tomorrow. It's hard to believe, but the league that got going back in 1996 is actually relatively strong. Soccer specific stadiums, teams in the Pacific Northwest, and the return of certain players from abroad have invigorated things quite a bit. Here's what you need to be primed:

Season Preview

All The Previews

Eastern Conference Primer

Western Conference Primer

20 Storylines

Jeff Carlisle thinks MLS' quality will be judged by how well the national team does this summer. Most likely. Speaking of the national team, their final pre-WC friendlies have been scheduled. They play Azerbaijan, Turkey and Nigeria. Azerbaijan is at Candlestick Park in San Francisco on May 27. Turkey is at Red Bull Arena on June 1. Nigeria is in Jacksonville on June 7.

Like a rock...

Over in England, it's the FA Cup coupled with some league action. Tottenham's trip to Stamford Bridge should be fun, and Cardiff vs. Fulham is pretty important. Arsenal and Everton in the Cup is attractive. Let's lump it all together...

10 Things To Look Out For In The League & Cup This Weekend

Premier League Preview

Premier League Preview II

FA Cup Quarter-Final Preview: Arsenal vs. Everton

Prindi's Premier League Picks

Paul Merson's Premier League Predictions

Lawro's FA Cup & Premier League Predictions

Yes!

Oooo. Nice The Joy of Six this week. It's football quotes. Antonio Cassano, anyone? Fancy some Phil Brown with that? In that vein, why not grab a Top Tenner? This week it's Managerial Battles.

Chelsea, Liverpool, Manchester City, and Arsenal are battling for the Premier League title. Here's a look at their status and what is ahead for each club.

There's some solid action on hand in Serie A this weekend. In particular, Juventus vs. Fiorentina and Napoli vs. Roma. Check your weekend preview here. Over in Spain, we've been informed that the weekend looks promising for Real Madrid and Barcelona. So, there.

Let's jump to South America briefly and check in with Tim Vickery. He's talking about the defensive deficiencies that plague some of the nations hoping for glory in Brazil this summer.

Jack Wilshere got hurt in the England/Denmark game. Bad for Arsenal...but good for England?

In honour of Liverpool's exhilarating approach this term, Sky Sports has selected their 10 most exciting sides of the Premier League era. Boro 96/97 were quite fun. Ravanelli!

Enjoy the weekend.

Onward!!

-SSN