A disconnect between grand ideas on the bench and on-pitch realities is a big problem in a league that wants instant evolution.
Ståle Solbakken already under pressure as defeat leaves Köln bottom.
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One of my favourite pieces of football writing is by the splendid Argentine coach Angel Cappa, a romantic of the old school, reflecting on his good fortune at being in Spain to watch Brazil’s midfield in the 1982 World Cup. “The ball arrived in this zone [midfield],” he wrote, “and would then disappear to reappear in the form of a rabbit and also a dove and then was hidden again from anguished opponents who would look for it in the most unlikely places without being able to find it….
"The crowd, myself included, looked at the watch with the intention of making time stand still because we all wanted the game to last for ever.”
Since then, though, no one has really been able to write about Brazil in quite the same terms. Not through any lack of quality - in the last 30 years the production line of great attacking full backs and magnificent strikers has been working overtime.
Somehow I doubt he thinks about this day very often, but I once played football against Nuri Sahin - and won. It's not like we were playing in opposing teams in some scribes- versus-soccer-stars charity extravaganza. No, it was a proper one-on-one: just him and me and a ball and one of those "Torwand" contraptions. (A target wall with two holes.)
Off The Ball never rests in its mission to scratch around the underbelly of professional football to find the most bizarre, humorous and inexplicable stories. This week, Balotelli-plagued Roberto Mancini says he needs to see a psychologist, Mexico's Omar Arellano poos his pants during a game, Marseille striker Andre-Pierre Gignac is packed off to fat camp and Turkish side Sivasspor FC daub themselves in the blood of a slaughtered sheep.
There was disappointment for some of the Premier League's big guns as the season got underway, while holders Manchester United were made to scrap for three points. Reigning champions United managed to bag a maximum haul with a 2-1 win at West Brom but only after a Shane Long equaliser gave them a scare. Elsewhere, Arsenal and Chelsea dropped two points at Newcastle and Stoke respectively, with both encounters ending in goalless draws. And QPR endured a tough introduction to the top-flight, suffering a 4-0 thrashing at the hands of Bolton.
Cesc Fábregas has signed a five-year contract with Barcelona, finally sealing his departure from Arsenal, the Spanish club has announced. The midfielder, who has had a €200m (over £175m) buy-out clause inserted in his contract, arrived at Camp Nou on Monday morning after undergoing a medical and is now set to be presented to local media. Barcelona posted a comment on their official Twitter feed which read: "Cesc has signed his contract which ties him to Barcelona until 2016. The buy-out clause is 200 million euros."
Given the lavish three-month build up and incessant hype I expected myself to be near-catatonic by this point on Sunday night, gently frothing at the mouth due to the frantic, awe-inspiring quality offered up by the league that isn't shy in declaring itself the best in the world. Yet the best league in the known universe - better even than The Human League or The League of Gentlemen - served up a whopping 13 goals, three 0-0 draws and two red cards. In fact, all it did do was reinforce a raft of long-held stereotypes: