Champions League, Scribes, "The Glove", "The Finger", Podcast, Keane & Vieira

Simply smelling would be the better option...

Oh, dear. It would appear that boys being boys at Stoke back in the day involved something called "the Glove, or "the Finger," whereby a goalkeeper's glove was smeared with heat cream and used in a sexual assault. Good times.

Apologies for breaking into your Tuesday on such a high note. Let's move on to our good friends. They're know collectively as Scribes. We're not sure why, but Phil Ball hasn't posted in a while. And we miss him. Sniff. Also, nothing today from El Sid. So, nothing from Spain.

Location: Italy

Headline: Destro rides again as Francesco Totti lifts the fans

Scribe: Paolo Bandini

Location: Germany

Headline: Win, lose - or draw?

Scribe: Uli Hesse

Location: Germany

Headline: Leverkusen dare to dream of the title after outclassing Dortmund

Scribe: Raphael Honigstein

Location: Brazil

Headline: England can conquer heat, humidity and travel

Scribe: Tim Vickery

It's the final round of the Champions League group stages. Who can qualify? Who has already qualified? Check it. Here's your complete preview of today's matches. 

The Premier League was awfully exciting this past weekend. Let's take an alternative look back, and a wee look ahead.

As we said yesterday, Major League Soccer is done. Here are the highs, lows and greatest goals of the year and the memories that will sustain until the next season starts...according to a bunch of bloggers and fans assembled by The Guardian.

The ITV documentary with Roy Keane and Patrick Vieira aired last night. Here are the highlights.

Crikey! Podcast! On today's Football Weekly, James Richardson has Barry Glendenning, James Horncastle and Michael Hann are in the pod to try to make sense of another nonsensical weekend in the Premier League, where there were surprise wins, comedy own goals and star virtuoso performances aplenty yet again. We start with the league leaders Arsenal, who were held at the Emirates by Everton, and whose former manager David Moyes oversaw another home defeat as Manchester United lost at home to Newcastle. After rounding up the rest of the games at the top and bottom of the league, we turn our attention to the few midweek Champions League games that mean anything, before finishing off with a look at the action in the Championship, and assessing England's chances of getting four points from a World Cup group featuring Uruguay, Italy and Costa Rica.

We out.

Onward!!

-SSN