2010 FIFA World Cup: Final Thoughts

There's an episode of the seminal TV show ALF in which a relation of Alf's earth family, I think an uncle, comes to stay. Unfortunately, while the family are out, the uncle discovers Alf and drops dead of fright. When the family return home they're greeted by balloons and party gear. Everyone at Melmac dies at the same age, so they're sent off with a big party. That's how Alf taught us that things are just done differently in different places. So, while one part of the world thinks Luis Suárez is a cheating little fucker for using his hands, another thinks he's a genius. Suarez certainly considers himself a genius, while the coach is using the very original tactic of getting angry with the British press. Fifa also don't seem too bothered by Suarez's actions, deciding not to increase his one match ban. They're were probably too busy reading their betamax instruction manuals and missed the two huge yellow 'Fair Play' flags that have been displayed before every semi-important soccer game for the past 10 years.

The World Cup is slowly winding down - the BBC are running out of Fela Kuti tunes to use as background music and across Europe rubbish men are collecting millions of unwanted car flags. So, which two teams would produce a good final? Well, not Uruguay. Yeah, it's charming that a smaller nation has made it to the semis, but the final needs two big teams. So hopefully Holland will win the first semi - though Robben's diving is getting more annoying by the round. Most purists would surely like to see Spain as Holland's opponent. It'd be the Laura Ashley of Cup Finals, with pretty patterns all over the place. But there's just something a bit annoying about the Spanish team. Like Barcelona, they're just a bit too nice, a bit twee. It was no surprise to hear Gerard Piqué say they'd taken up Barça's habit of listening to Coldplay before every game. What's more the Spanish seem to be getting a touch desperate [or maybe not].

At least if Germany meet Holland they'll be plenty of bad blood. It's not as if the two countries exactly love each other. Tell a Dutchman you've lived in Germany and you're met with a mixture of confusion and deep pity. Tell a German you've just been to Holland and he'll look at you with an expression of pure disgust. Mind you, you could compliment the average German on the beauty of his his new-born child and you'll be met with a similar look. But Van Bommel [who must have made some kind of Faustian pact involving the soul of his child in order to not get a yellow card against Brazil] go up against his Bayern teammate Bastian Schweinsteiger [the most German sounding German of all time], would be a great match-up.

Hopefully it'll be a high-scoring, exciting match between two teams playing well. The tournament needs it. It's been nice to see teamwork prosper, and watching stars' reputations being shredded round by round has been fun. But while the quarterfinals brought some much needed excitement, there have not been enough top quality encounters. Perhaps the next three games can rectify that.