Tuesday, August 09, 2011

Premier League club-by-club guide: Parts One & Two


Summer in six words: Uncertainty, failed bids, excruciating chicken adverts.

Last season
Finished 15th
Top scorer David Hoilett, Nikola Kalinic, Jason Roberts (5)
Bad boy Michel Salgado (10 yellow cards)

In Myles Anderson (free, Aberdeen), David Goodwillie (£2m, Dundee Utd).

Out Phil Jones (Man Utd, £16.5m), Frank Fielding (£400,000, Derby

Most likely phone hacking victim
Chris Samba, rumoured target for Arsenal and Tottenham.

What Joey Barton might tweet
I still can’t believe they fired Big Sam. There’s an old Hopi Indian phrase: "You never know what you have until it’s gone." Oh, hang on, that’s Joni Mitchell, isn’t it?

Tabloid headline of the season
Kean: every team needs a Goodwillie

What are they made of?

  • 47% Chicken
  • 12% Modified starch
  • 11% Breadcrumbs
  • 9% Water
  • 21% Emulsifiers, flavourings and preservatives

Who should own them?
Go Compare - Their advertising is, unfortunately, far more memorable than the product itself.

The Rest of Parts One & Two

No comments: