Now for today's serious news. Not content with the youthful talents of Busquets, Bojan and Messi, Barcelona have brought in some really quality....
Bieber shows his talents
Given that the player in question is David Beckham, arguably the most famous footballer of his generation, you can understand why.
But there is another, and it charts another remarkable chapter in the football career of Chris Birchall.
He made his debut for Port Vale at the age of 17 in a League Cup tie at Charlton in September 2001.
Since then, he has played for six different clubs in three different countries and also represented Trinidad & Tobago at the 2006 World Cup, despite growing up thousands of miles away from the Caribbean.
If Rooney is troubling, it is more because of his psychology. Here was a man who seemed to be taking revenge rather than pleasure in a contribution that flipped a 2-0 deficit into a 4-2 win. At his best Rooney can look a world-beater but his stance is that of someone who also has a score to settle with the entire planet.
Three relative newcomers around Bob Bradley's team have fans similarly stoked today. Young defender Timmy Chandler and even-younger striker Juan Agudelo notched their first U.S. starts against Paraguay. Agudelo held up fairly well; Chandler was nothing less than a revelation. Tim Ream, not exactly a newcomer but hardly a national team icon just yet, improved his standing with an impressive collection of peppy passes.
A 1-1 draw with Argentina and a 1-0 loss to Paraguay were all about prep for this summer's Gold Cup; the team won't gather again until training camp in late May for the regional championship. So while everyone buzzes about the new kids, here are other lessons from the pair of contests:
Dwayne De Rosario departed for New York on Friday night to cap a sequence of events that included the seemingly requisite tomfoolery surrounding any major decision by the Reds – in this case, a series of incredulous reactions from beleaguered fans for mounting a major move on such a lighthearted day, a set of half-hearted afternoon denials from TFC coach Aron Winter and a dinnertime confirmation from both clubs.
One of the latter group will be particularly relaxed: Benoit Assou-Ekotto never gets nervous before big games, only watches his future opponents in team meetings and has a bugbear about players showing too much emotion during matches (don¹t get him started on badge-kissing after scoring goals). He also admits that his peers take themselves far too seriously, and that he only plays soccer for the money.