Afonso Alves (Heerenveen to Middlesbrough, £12 million, 2008): A Brazilian goal machine, apparently, when the striker moved from the Netherlands. An unmitigated flop on Teesside, averaging a goal every four matches and, seemingly, at least four misses every game. Shipped out to Al-Sadd in Qatar last September, which was sad.
The Rest
You just had to know it wouldn't work out...
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