Champions League, Podcast, Scribes, Zlatan's Burger

Even Chuck Norris couldn't fit it in his mouth? Uh, that's what she said?

Whew! Let's get this party started, right? So much to tackle today. Where to start? The Podcast would make the most sense, right? Here we go: AC Jimbo has Iain Macintosh, James Horncastle and proper journalist Owen Gibson in the Football Weekly pod to pontificate on a weekend of Manchester-flavoured misery, with both United and City losing in pretty ropey fashion. Can the Red Devils and the Citizens bounce back in the Champions League, with tricky ties away at Shakhtar and at home to Bayern Munich respectively? Shirely not. Elsewhere in the Premier League, Arsenal continued their impressive start, Luis Suárez scored a brace for Liverpool - which is appropriate considering he was suspended for etc etc - and Fernando Torres showed his nasty side as Chelsea drew with Spurs. Sid Lowe and Rafa Honigstein help us muddle through the rest of the European fixtures, and we get mighty excited by Steve McClaren's imminent appointment by Derby County.

There five goals at Goodison Park last night. Newcastle were atrociously poor (Tim Howard got an assist!) but somehow managed to only lose 3-2. Saj Chowdhury was in Liverpool.

Marcotti has been musing again. His thoughts are thus: Carlo Ancelotti prepared for Real Madrid hot seat, Moyes' media mix-up, Zlatan vs. everyone.

Sticking with The Zlatan for a moment, he now has his own Burger. Yes, it's called "Le Zlatan" and it's massive. And it costs €29.90 ($40.50). Yikes! Kind of breaks the stereotype of Parisian cuisine, no?

OK. Back to the matters at hand. The Champions League returns today. Steaua Bucuresti host Chelsea. Arsenal host Napoli. Ajax host Milan. Celtic host Barcelona. Here are myriad preparatory offerings:

Tuesday Preview

Miguel Delaney: Methods key for Wenger and Benitez in UCL

Steaua Bucharest vs. Chelsea: Odds, Preview and Prediction

Arsenal vs. Napoli: Date, Time, Live Stream, TV Info and Preview

Matchday Two Preview

Major League Soccer is designed for parity. Which can be good. But it can also suck. Ives looks back at the weekend in the U.S. league.

Scribes! Your Tuesday opportunity to take a look back at what went down of note around the world over the weekend. We've had a chance to digest everything, so let's dig in again:

Sid Lowe in Spain: Atlético Madrid have truly arrived after conquering Real Madrid again

Phil Ball in Spain: Atlético celebrate a record-breaking start to the season as Real's problems continue.

Tim Vickery in Brazil: Cluttered club calendar causing conflict.

Raphael Honigstein in Germany: Schalke staggering towards another shambles after Hoffenheim draw.

Paolo Bandini in Italy: Torino make their mark on Carlos Tevez, but Juventus take the points.

We mentioned yesterday that Gervinho is playing well at Roma. Just how did he get his groove back?

Let's terminate today's post with something from Amy Lawrence. Amy's talking some Higuaín. Gonzalo is thriving at Napoli on the back of the Maradona factor. You see, the Argentine opted for Napoli, the club synonymous with his hero, and is already regarded as one of Serie A's best.

Do it,

-SSN