El Clásico, Let's Talk About Cesc, Kuwait Kickboxing Ref, Lawro vs. Joe Montana, Ronaldo's Boys Underwear Competition

Err...

El Clásico! El Clásico! El Clásico! Why is it such a big deal? Amy Lawrence, could you please ask Sid Lowe and get some answers? Yes? Cheers. The match can be viewed mañana in the USA on BeIN Sport at 12pm EDT. Here's Sid's preview of the Clash of Titans. And let's toss in a Top Ten Clásico Moments while we're at it. There will be other matches in La Liga this weekend. Hard to imagine, we know, but it's true. Here's a bit more on that.

SSN pal Ryan T. is over in Barcelona for the match and took this lovely shot earlier today. Wanker...

Back in England the big ones are on Sunday. The Tyne-Wear Derby takes place at the Stadium of Light and Manchester City travel to Stamford Bridge to face Chelsea. Here's all you need to know:

Weekend Preview

Weekend Preview II

10 Things To Look Out For

Lawro & Joe Montana's Predictions

Paul Merson's Predictions

Classic Tyne-Wear Derby Moments

The Big Interview is Cesc Fábregas and Sid Lowe is asking the questions. Outstanding. Let's talk about Cesc.

Good times in Kuwait!


Football Weekly Extra? Yes, please! Plump up a cushion, because we've got another cracker in store as Barry Glendenning, Simon Burnton and Iain Macintosh join AC Jimbo for the latest Football Weekly Extraaaa. We start with all the action in the Champions League, where Zlatan Ibrahimovic scored four for PSG and Cristiano Ronaldo bagged another brace for Real against Juventus. Now, if only these two supreme players and their egos could go head-to-head with a place at the World Cup up for grabs...Next we look forward to a big weekend in the Premier League, including the Tyne-Wear derby and Manchester City's trip to Chelsea, and manager-less Crystal Palace's game with Arsenal. Plus, there's our friend Sid Lowe looking ahead to El Clásico, a bit of Scottish football, and a magnificent discussion about swashbuckling.

Just because...

No real biggies in Italy, we're afraid. Here are some briefs of all the fixtures, nonetheless. You need to stay informed, after all.

We'll finish this week with one last look at Fergie's book. The Dirty Tackle has assembled a list of Who Hates Sir Alex The Most Right Now.

Go Forth And Conquer.

-SSN

Russian Racists, The Zlatan Strikes, Holloway Sacked

Good grief. Man City's win in Moscow was overshadowed by racist chants from CSKA fans. Of course, the club say "nothing special happened." What does that mean, exactly? Assholes. At least City won the match. Elsewhere, their Manchester rivals United won at Old Trafford. Richard Jolly was there.

We've been treated to loads of extraordinary goals already this season. Over in Belgium last night, The Zlatan scored four against Yank Abroad Sacha Kljestan and his hapless Anderlecht. The Zlatan's second and third are, frankly, absurd. Enjoy:


Back at the Bernabéu, Ronaldo did his best to keep up with the Swede's heroics by scoring two himself as Real Madrid downed Juventus. Sid Lowe was there and filed this report. Thanks, Sid!

This is a wrap of all of yesterday's Champions League activity. Let's talk about ten things of note from this latest round of the top European club competition, shall we? Excellent. Cheers.

Sorry, Ian, but you're fired.

As we assumed on Tuesday, Ian Holloway's bald dome was the first head to roll in the EPL this campaign. Dominic Fifield says he leaves dispirited Crystal Palace a tired and resigned man. No arguments from anyone here at SSN Headquarters. Rumors have it that Palace want Tony Pubis. Oh, dear...

Right. What else? Yes. There's another Champions League going on at the moment. CONCACAF has it's own little affair featuring the top clubs in the region. It allows teams like L.A. Galaxy to clash with El Salvador’s Isidro Metapán. So...cool. Brian Straus is interested. Hit the link if you are as well.

Sticking with the United States, there is a new book and a new film that illustrate the passion surrounding the Seattle Sounders. Grant Wahl saw the film and says it's got some damn fine moments.

Since we've had so many great goals to enjoy of late, we'll conclude today with a collection of misses. Benzema had a nice one last night against Juve, and he gets things rolling. Enjoy.

-SSN

Chelsea Cruise, Arsenal Lose, Milan & Barca Draw, Today's Action, Gooch to QPR

Simply disgusted with his team's effort against Chelsea...

And a lovely Wednesday to you! Diving right into yesterday's Champions League action, we'll begin in Gelsenkirchen, where a professional display from The Special One's side provided a 3-0 away win over Schalke and the excuse for us to use that photo. Ahem. Poor lad. Anyway, Torres scored and Chelsea now sit atop their group.

Back in London, it was 1-1 and Arsenal were pressing for a win but Dortmund and Lewandowski had other ideas and nicked the three points with a late goal.

Jonathan Wilson says the loss revealed Arsenal's weaknesses.

Barney Ronay is more optimistic and says Olivier Giroud took center stage.

Phil McNulty wonders how Arsenal can learn from the defeat.

This is interesting.

Back at the San Siro, it was Turn Back the Clock Day as Ricardo Izecson dos Santos Leite (aka Kaká) and Robson de Souza (aka Robinho) combined for Milan's goal. Barcelona's came via (who else?) a fine finish from one Lionel Messi. 1-1 was your final score.

Here's a wrap of all of Tuesday's Champions League action.

Today we've got more matches (yay!) including Real Madrid vs. Juventus, Manchester United vs. Real Sociedad, Bayern Munich vs. Viktoria Plzen, and CSKA Moscow vs. Manchester City (they're painting the pitch green!).

Sid Lowe is on hand to let us know that it might be the ideal time for a nervy United to face a sinking Sociedad. And hey, just where has it gone wrong for Manchester United and David Moyes?

Gooch is back! He signed with QPR. Have fun with 'Arry, friend.

We'll conclude this Hump Day with more on Sir Alex. Jon Snow interviewed him. Check it.

-SSN

Champions League, Podcast, Fulham Goals, Scribes, Fergie Book

Mega Tuesday!

Good grief, there's loads on the plate today. Let's kick off with a look at last night's action in South London. Palace are in big trouble after Fulham hit them for four last night at Selhurst Park. Everyone at SSN Headquarters has money on Ian's head being the first to roll this season. Sachin Nakrani was there and filed this report. For video of the latest Goal of the Season contenders, hit the link below.

The Podcast. One of the things they discuss this week is the amazing goals we saw. Wilshere, Ibra, et al. But the piece was recorded prior to Kasami's ridiculous van Basten imitation and Sidwell's sick volley. This bit in The Guardian has all of the best, including the two from Fulham last night.

'Ol Red Nose is a writer.

Sir Alex Ferguson's novel is being released today. Here's the story: basically, when literature student Anastasia Steele goes to interview young entrepreneur Christian Grey, she encounters a man who is beautiful, brilliant, and intimidating. The unworldly, innocent Ana is startled to realize she wants this man and, despite his enigmatic reserve, finds she is desperate to get close to him. Unable to resist Ana’s quiet beauty, wit, and independent spirit, Grey admits he wants her, too—but on his own terms. Shocked yet thrilled by Grey’s singular erotic tastes, Ana hesitates. For all the trappings of success—his multinational businesses, his vast wealth, his loving family—Grey is a man tormented by demons...Wait! No! It's about Fergie's time in football. Non-fiction. Sorry. Here are 10 Things We Learned from the book. And 4 Revelations. And Best Bits.

Scribe Time!

Location: Germany
Headline: Bayer Leverkusen 'ghost goal' could prompt Germany to draw the line
Scribe: Raphael Honigstein

Location: Spain
Headline: Barcelona's stutter, Atletico's loss and Real Madrid's win mean the Liga title race feels unusually open
Scribe: Phil Ball

Location: Italy
Headline: Giuseppe Rossi guns down Juventus as Fiorentina party likes it's 1998
Scribe: Paolo Bandini

Location: Spain
Headline: Getafe's Pedro León on the way back to being Pedro León again
Scribe: Sid Lowe

Location: Brazil
Headline: Atletico Madrid striker Diego Costa could be 'one who got away' for Brazil
Scribe: Tim Vickery

Location: United States
Headline: Roma’s hot start leaves Michael Bradley behind; MLS expansion takes shape
Scribe: Grant Wahl

Kahn = Happy

There are some matches this afternoon. Mainly, AC Milan vs. Barcelona, Arsenal vs. Borussia Dortmund, and Schalke vs. Chelsea.

Here's a complete preview of today's action.

And here is what to watch during Matchday Three.

More? That's fine.

Major League Soccer just complete Week 34. It's almost over, folks. This right here is a recap of the weekend activity, along with some Power Rankings. Who is the most powerful, you ask? New York Red Bulls.

Ok. We're spent. Enjoy your Super Mega Grande Tuesday.

-SSN

Fiorentina, Roma, Arsenal, Bale, UEFA Playoffs, Monday Night Football

Well, Good Morning, Friends!

It's good to have club football back, is it not? Come on. It's so superior. We were treated to many a match of big fun this weekend. On Friday morning we were excited about Roma vs. Napoli. Our excitement was justified. Roma put a big-ass-twins-sucking-wolf-teets-stamp on the Serie A race with a strong win over Rafa's side at Stadio Olympico. They are now five points clear. You'd think that would be the story of the fixture date. If so, you'd be wrong. Everyone wants to talk Fiorentina instead. La Viola rocked Juventus 4-2 thanks to a hat-trick from Jersey Boy Giuseppi Rossi. Check the full Serie A weekend breakdown qui.

WTF!!?? Barcelona did not score a goal against Osasuna. Nil-Nil, it was. Elsewhere, Real Madrid ground out a win and welcomed Gareth back into the fold. Hit this.

Spurs fan rejoice..and the linesman pays the price.

In England, everyone is raving about Arsenal's goal-glut at the Emirates against Norwich City. While each of the four goals from the home side were crafted with deft skill, the first of the match is one that will be replayed over and over for years to come. Watch carefully, because you won't see this again for a long time. Or ever. Why? Because it's two back-heels, three one-twos, four first-time passes...and a volleyed finish. Elsewhere, 10-man Newcastle managed a draw with Liverpool, United allowed a late Southampton goal and drew 1-1, City had little trouble with West Ham, Chelsea courted controversy in their win over Cardiff City, and Tottenham cruised past Aston Villa. Here's your required reading:

Premier League Review

10 Talking Points

5 Thoughts
Best of the Weekend
Tactics Board

Garth Crooks's Team of the Week

Andros Townsend led Tottenham to a win at Villa as noted above. He's English. He's creative. He's quick. He's playing quite well. Phil McNulty looks at the burgeoning bandwagon.

In Major League Soccer, former Everton boxing legend Tim Cahill scored the fastest goal in the history of the league whilst standing in the shadows. Baby. It took seven seconds for the New York Energy Drink player to find the net against Houston. Here are Five Things We Learned from the weekend.




There is Monday Night Football tonight. And it's a London Derby! What? Oh, it's Palace vs. Fulham. Well, could be worse.

Finally, we'll finish with a brief return to the international side of the game. The draw for the UEFA playoff took place and either Ronaldo or The Zlatan will not be attending the festivities next summer in Brazil. It is: Sweden vs. Portugal, Iceland vs. Croatia, Ukraine vs. France, and Romania vs. Greece. The first legs will be played on November 15 and the return on November 19.

Do everyone a favor and make this week your best buddy, um kay?

-SSN

Weekend Club Love, More Ince, Asprilla Porn Star Offer

Friday, Peeps! 

There will be football tomorrow (and today!) played on pitches between clubs. Clubs are associations or organizations dedicated to a particular interest or activity. And we love them here at SSN. Nations? Not so much. As such, we are quite excited about the upcoming program. And what a way to kick things off -- we've got an extremely attractive fixture thanks to the Italians. Napoli are in Rome this afternoon if you can manage to get away from the office or grab a stream and wish to partake in what should be a good one between the current Serie A leaders and the current Serie A second-placers. Check it at 2:45pm EDT on beIN Sport en Español. Or your stream. Elsewhere in Italy, Fiorentina host Juventus on Sunday and Inter go to Turin to face Torino. Here's a preview of all the weekend fun.

Since we're on the Continent, we might as well shuffle west and see what's up in Spain. What's up is all eyes are on Real Madrid because they're already five points adrift of their two biggest rivals: neighbors Atlético and Barcelona. Here's a preview of all the weekend fun.

As is customary, we'll continue our trek west, curve to the north, and check out the weekend menu for the Premier League. Things get going early tomorrow when Newcastle host Liverpool. There could a lot of goals in that one. The Joy of Six looks at the history of the fixture. Other intriguing matches include Aston Villa vs. Tottenham and West Ham vs. Manchester City. Here's the lovely list of links to get you pumped up:

Premier League Preview
Premier League Spotlight
Weekend Watch
10 Things To Look Out For
Lawro's Predictions
Paul Merson's Predictions

Is Asprilla ready to spread his...wings?

We linked to Paul Ince's diatribe yesterday. Today, Barney Ronay takes a welcome stab at the nature of the beast that is profanity.

Manchester United? Richard Jolly takes a close look at the players at the club and who should be worried for their future.

Major League Soccer? The regular season is nearing its conclusion. The first trophy awarded will be the Supporters Shield. Who will win it? And, just because we love you, Reviews & Previews.

Santa Latina want Faustino Asprilla to be a porn star for a week. If anyone would do it, he would. A different kind of scoring? Oh!

Hey! You have fun out there.

-SSN

Deep Breath. Catch Up.

Celebrating in Sarajevo

Holy Moses. So much went down on Tuesday that we couldn't even get out of bed yesterday morning. It was all too much to handle. We felt like these guys who totally lost it when the U.S. gave Mexico a lifeline. Right, so the U.S. won in Panama (quite impressive) which means Mexico can still make the World Cup even though they lost in Costa Rica. Which is rather absurd, actually. Here are more images, videos, and words from all the CONCACAF craziness. And, as is customary, Grant Wahl has Three Thoughts.

Further south, Chile and Ecuador joined Colombia and Argentina on the bus/train/car/flight to Brazil while Uruguay earned the right to clash with Jordan. Yes, Jordan. Sam Kelly reviews the entire CONMEBOL qualifying saga here.

Bosnia are in! They will go to their first-ever World Cup. Dzeko is overjoyed.

England managed to qualify thanks to a win against Poland, but they won't be seeded. Neither will Italy. But Switzerland will. Go figure. Here's the breakdown. Iceland made the playoffs, too! Here's all the UEFA action.

Going to Brazil? The BBC World Service has this helpful post. Find out how much the meal at McDonald's will cost.

Things did not go so well for our old pal Bob Bradley. His Egypt side got walloped by Ghana 6-1. Ouch.

Moving away from the international game for a moment -- Arsene Wenger is doing his best Captain Obvious imitation with the admission that selling RVP caused unrest at the Emirates. Brilliant.

Paul Ince is in the news, too. He said "cunt" 15 times back in September during a nice little tirade.

We should spare a thought for Luis Suarez. He just keeps rocking -- gotta love him!


-SSN

Bob Bradley, World Cup Scenarios, Iceland?, Panama!, Edgar Davids

Thank God, this is the end. Except for playoffs...

Right! Let's jump on in. We're going to begin with our old friend Bob Bradley. Since leaving the the U.S., he's had quite the time in Egypt dealing with minor issues such as a stadium massacre and a revolution. Even the wisest sages at SSN Headquarters could not have predicted the insanity that has been Egypt over the last year or so. The Guardian has The Big Interview with Bob today ahead of his country's clash with Ghana. Not to be outdone, Grant Wahl has a big piece on Bob as well. The match begins soon: 12pm EDT on BeIN Sport.

This is the end of the road to Brazil (almost), so without further ado, we give you
Ten, Five, Six, and Scenarios.

Ten Things To Look Out For

Five Storylines
Six Crunch Qualifiers

Standings and Scenarios

Iceland think they can make their first World Cup. Norway stand in their nor...way. Sachin Nakrani takes a gander.

England host Poland at Wembley (3pm EDT on Fox Sports 1). English people who care about their national team are wigging out. Poland kept us from reaching the 1974 World Cup! That crazy goalkeeper is back! All those Poles who live in London will be at the match! Croatia! Phil McNulty sums it all up quite well.

The United States hope to rock in Panama tonight. There's not much to play for. Chances of the Yanks getting a top seed are slim at best. Here's a preview. View the fun tonight at 9:30pm EDT on BeIN Sport.

Yikes! There is a Football Weekly. How nice. As you might expect, Jimbo and Co. are talking World Cup qualifying. As you might NOT expect, they're talking Edgar Davids. Have a listen. Go on.

Tim Vickery is down in Rio and he's been so kind as to provide us with an update on the World Cup qualifying situation in South America. Apparently, Uruguay are scrambling. Cheers, Tim.

Meanwhile, Major League Soccer might might might switch to a "normal" schedule. Might. Check it out.

That's it. Go watch some internationals while you can. Club football returns this weekend!!

-SSN

Who's Going to Brazil?

Hello Monday!

Brazil 2014. Who's going? So far we've got:

Brazil (Host With The Most), Netherlands, Germany, Argentina, United States of America, Italy, Japan, Belgium, Switzerland, Costa Rica, Iran, Colombia, South Korea, Australia.

Tomorrow is another round of qualifying. We'll deal with that...tomorrow. For now, let's take a look back at the shit that that went down over the weekend and Friday.

Mexico busted out a massive sigh of relief Friday night when Raul Jimenez's insane bicycle kick gave them a late win at home against Panama. It kept El Tri in the hunt for a ticket to Brazil. Check it:



Is Mexico better off without its European-based players?

Meanwhile, up north in Kansas City, the U.S. didn't really impress too much but still cruised to a 2-0 win over The Reggae Boys. Local hero and K.C. Wizard (we don't like change) Graham Zusi came on for Donovan at the half and helped the Yank cause quite a bit. As is customary after such events, Grant Wahl has Three Thoughts. And Jeff Carlisle looks into Lando's half-time benching.

Roy Hodgson was another who was massively relieved on Friday night. England won at Wembley and boosted their hopes of a trip to South America. Dominic Fifield was on hand to see Andros Townsend make his mark. Here's a wrap of all the UEFA action.

As noted earlier in this post, Colombia will be in Brazil next summer. How? Falcao! He grabbed a brace in Colombia's draw with Chile. Here's a wrap of all the CONMEBOL action.

Colombians are quite pleased...

Spain have yet to qualify for Brazil. We're certain they will, but Sid Lowe has an interesting piece on the lack of a national stadium for the Spaniards and how that is such a disadvantage when it comes to any sort of home field advantage for qualifiers.

Africa! There are rains. We have blessed them. Nigeria has defeated Ethiopia and Tunisia and Cameroon have drawn. Those were some of the results of the first legs of the playoffs. Other results? Ivory Coast managed to cruise while Algeria managed to lose.

We'll finish back here. Major League Soccer. Still no breakdown, sadly, but there is a wrap. Portland beat Seattle, among other things...

The week is off and running.

-SSN

Internationals...Yeah...That's Pretty Much It

Hah!

Well, those were a couple of quiet days, eh? The mood at SSN Headquarters gets awfully gloomy during international breaks. Let's just say that the club game is more our thing, OK? Now that we've said that (that said), at least there will be some matches today. We can see how badly Germany will clobber Ireland, hope Mexico lose to Panama, see what sort of experimenting Juergen will do with the U.S., chuckle whilst England try to handle the pressure against Montenegro, check out Bendtner's underpants when Denmark host Italy, and much more! So...it could be worse.

The obvious place to start is with The Podcast: It's Football Weekly Extra, and it's international week. Yay. AC Jimbo, Barry Glendenning and Jacob Steinberg aren't that fussed but Jonathan Wilson's getting all hot and bothered by all that can happen in Europe and elsewhere in the forthcoming round of World Cup qualifiers. If that doesn't make you go woof, we've also got Sid Lowe telling us about Spain's attempts at signing up Brazilian international Diego Costa to their national side – something which Jack Wilshere would doubtless have an opinion. Plus, there's reaction to Gus Poyet's appointment as Sunderland's latest manager, some crazy shenanigans in Cardiff, and more turtle/tortoise/terrapin news.

We know it's crunch time for England. But it's a big match for Montenegro as well. Jonathan Wilson takes a look. He also takes a look at three other countries that could possibly seal their first WC births. Bosnia-Herzegovina, Ethiopia, and Burkina Faso are all in with a shout.

Meanwhile, back across the pond, it's not crunch time for the Yanks because they've already booked their tickets to Brazil. The game still has meaning, though, as the U.S. will want to win the group. Here's a preview of tonight's match out in K.C. (6:30pm EDT on ESPN).

Hah!

World Cup 2014 qualifiers? Yes. 10 things to look out for?
OK. 

UEFA? England, Russia, Belgium, Germany and Switzerland could all qualify today.
Here's everything you need to know.

CONMEBOL? Colombia and Chile could also advance today.
Here's everything you need to know.

CAF? Playoffs. Yes, playoffs.
Here's everything you need to know.

This is rather fun: International Misfits XI: would this team qualify for the World Cup?

Paul Doyle's into the rains down in Africa and wants to talk Cameroon and Tunisia. Tunisia gets a second chance because of Cape Verde's suspended player usage (tsk-tsk) and although Eto'o retired, he's decided to come back.

Nice one, Vegas...

Mexico is in trouble! Only one win in their group and they've got Panama at Estadio Azteca tonight. Barry Glendenning looks at the El Tri mayhem.

William Zaha. Remember that guy? Tore shit up at Palace, Manchester United paid £15million for him, now he sits on the bench. For United and for England's Under-21s against San Marino. Ouch.

Unlike almost every other league on the planet, the United States' top division does not take a break when there are international fixtures. American exceptionalism, you see.

And finally, we'll believe this when we see it.

Enjoy that weekend, peeps!

-SSN

Nothing

There's still nothing of note happening. We'll be back tomorrow with previews of World Cup qualifying. Until then...

Poyet In, Phil Ball in Madrid, Podcast, Best MLS Goal Ever?, Ravel's Rise, Fall, Rise

Loads to get through today. Let's begin in Germany. Raphael Honigstein is there, and after 10,353 days, Eintracht Braunschweig won a top-flight match. It's their first in nearly 30 years and it came at the expense of 'derby idiots' Wolfsburg. Read all about it here. Uli Hesse is also in Germany and he's talking goals, goals, goals. Read all about it here.

Back in England, Sunderland named Gus Poyet as their new manager. Good luck, Gus. Please keep playing Jozy.

Over in Spain, Phil Ball left his home in San Sebastián and headed to Madrid to catch the Rayo Vallecano/Real Sociedad match. Phil has long been a favorite of ours, and this column is a real treat. We'll be sure to plan a visit to Estadio Teresa Rivero next time we're in Madrid.

We'll stick with Spain and check in with Sid. Señor Lowe is also talking some Rayo Vallecano. What a coincidence! Great minds and all...Enjoy.

It is Tuesday, so that means we get Marcotti's Monday Musings. Hmmm. Regardless, Gab's got: Bayern's Bayer blues, Suarez-Sturridge success, Juve prevail, more. OK.

Crickey. Paolo Bandini is in Italy. You know he's all over Roma and their unexpected revival. Take it away, Paolo!

Major League Soccer. The Power. The Glory. The Power Rankings. And...drumroll...is this the best goal ever in MLS?

Sadly, there is an international break coming up. Thankfully, we have Tim Vickery in Brazil to keep us interested. Tim's talking Uruguay and Ecuador and their intense rivalry ahead of their clash in Quito this Friday.

Ravel Morrison is all the rage after his fantastic solo goal at the weekend. Did you know that he narrowly escaped going to prison when he was at ManU? Here's a look at his rise, fall, and rise.

OK, we're going to terminate things today with The Podcast: On today's belated Football Weekly, AC Jimbo has Barry Glendenning, John Ashdown and Jacob Steinberg in the pod to marvel over all the happenings in the Premier League this weekend. We start with West Ham's Ravel Morrison-inspired 3-0 destruction of Spurs at White Hart Lane, before moving onto another stunning showing by an up-and-comer, Adnan Januzaj, who stole the show as Manchester United just about got the better of Sunderland. Next, we wonder whether Liverpool can go the distance this season after their 3-1 win at home to Crystal Palace, discuss Jack Wilshere's lucky strike to keep Arsenal on top of the table, and celebrate wins for Fulham and Newcastle that eased the pressure on their embattled managers Martin Jol and Alan Pardew. Finally, we catch up with the latest from around Europe and hear about the progress of QPR and Burnely at the top of the Championship, and Gillingham near the foot of League One. Jonathan Wilson joins us on Thursday as we begin our international break. Have patience, dear listeners, it's going to be a rough 10 days.

We could not have said it better ourselves.

-SSN

West Ham Beat Spurs, Roma Crush Inter, MLS Action, Bayern Octoberfest

Hello there!

As usual on Monday, we'll begin with a look at what happened in England (and Wales). Certainly, the shock of the weekend must have been West Ham's three-nil pasting of Spurs at White Hart Lane. We're confident that nobody expected that. Ravel Morrison scored a cracker of a goal, by the way (see below). Jeremy Wilson saw it. Oh, and Miguel Delany has Three Things. Meanwhile, Adnan Januzaj is all the rage at Manchester United after his two goals helped his team defeat Sunderland. Phil McNulty takes a look at the Kosovar-Albanian-Belgian teenager.

Daniel Taylor was at The Hawthorns where West Brom and Arsenal fought to a draw. Jack Wilshere grabbed the headlines by playing a game of two halves, scoring Arsenal's goal, and admitting his fag intake was not a hoax. Here's the rest of the fun:

Brief summaries of each match from the weekend

Team of the Week

Team of the Week II

10 Talking Points

5 Thoughts

Can we leave now?

It's that time of year again! There is a crisp feel to the air, the beer is a bit darker, and Bayern Munich players and WAGS are dressed to impress. Enjoy.

Down in Italy, Roma turned what should have been a tight contest into a farce at the San Siro by beating Inter three-nil. Totti's still got it, people. Here's a link to everything you need to know about the weekend in Serie A (until we check in with Paolo domani).

Over in Spain, there were no big upsets. Real Madrid managed to escape with a win at Levante and Real Sociedad continue to struggle. Here's a wee wrap.

Let's look back at MLS. Here's your Best and Worst of Week 32. It includes Landon Donovan and Fotis Bazakos. And more. Speaking of more, Ives has a wrap of the weekend and he says Tim Cahill is making a case for MVP. Hit it, Ives.




That's probably fine for a Monday.

-SSN

Sir Alex on Charlie Rose, Wilshere Up In Smoke, Europa League, Weekend Previews, Messi's House

Jack!

We might as well begin our Friday with the Europa League. Everyone's favorite second-tier competition provided Wigan with their first ever win in Europe. Spurs won, Swansea won. There really were not many surprises. Here's a round-up.

On to something much more fun. England's latest hope, Jack Wilshere, was seen smoking. He says it was a prank. He tweeted about it. His gaffer is non too pleased.

Right. Might as well stay in England (and Wales) and look at the weekend ahead. Here are 10 Things To Look Forward To. Sadly, there are no real lovelies on offer, at least on paper. You've got a London Derby with West Ham going up to Tottenham, but Spurs should be able to handle that. Manchester United's trip to Sunderland could be interesting. Everton at Manchester City might be the best on offer. It will be interesting to see how City respond in front of the home crowd after being stomped by the Germans. Arsenal at West Brom should be pretty tight as well. Although, according to Michael Palin (he's hanging with Lawro this week -- see below), it'll be 8-1 to the Brommies. Here's a preview of all that stuff. And some Team News. As we said, some people want to predict what will happen. In addition to Palin, that would be Lawro and Paul Merson.

On to Italy, where we've got a real clash on our hands! Unlike the rather uninspired fixture list in the Premier League (and La Liga -- see below), Serie A gives us Inter vs. Roma domani. And Domenica? How about Juventus vs. Milan and Lazio vs. Fiorentina. Sensazionale!

And in Spain, Real Madrid are under pressure as they head down to Valencia to face Levante. Here's a preview of all the La Liga weekend acción.

Messi's house looks like a soccer ball from above. That's all.

La casa futura de Messi?

The Big Interview today is Steve Bruce. The Hull manager speaks on redemption in East Yorkshire, the task ahead of David Moyes, looking like Mrs. Doubtfire, and that club name change.

For some reason there hasn't been any MLS Friday Forecast lately. We miss it. Here are the latest Power Rankings from a few days ago.

We'll conclude today with Sir Alex Ferguson and Charlie Rose. If you've got an hour to spare, here's the whole bloody thing:


Have a great one!

-SSN

Bayern Dominate City, United Draw, Tube Map, Americans Abroad

Ja! Manchester City were blown off their own pitch by reigning Champions League Champions Bayern Munich. That Joe Hart sucked made little difference. The gap in class was striking. Guess who made the trip up to the Etihad? Why, Barney Ronay, of course. And John Brewin has Three Things on his mind following the Bayern masterclass.

The other side of Manchester were in action as well. They were out in Ukraine to face Shak. It ended 1-1. Jonathan Wilson has a nice piece comparing the situations of the two Manchester clubs. United = Improved. City = Not Improved.

Other matches included Yank Abroad Sacha Kljestan and his Anderlecht side getting pummeled at home by Olympiakos, Ronaldo and Di Maria bracing themselves in Real's rout of Copenhagan, Juve and Gala drawing, and The Zlatan grabbing two of his own in PSG's victory at home over Benfica. Here's a nice summation of all of yesterday's action. And here's a Podcast in case you're interested. Since Matchday Two is now complete, let's look at Five Things We Learned.

In other "news," The Football Association and London Underground have teamed up to create a reworked Tube map to mark their joint 150th anniversaries. All 367 Tube, Docklands Light Railway and Overground stations have been named after footballers and officials. Here's a link to the whole thing. Enjoy standing in the dark in a packed car for 23 minutes between Teddy Sheringham and Wayne Rooney stations.

That other European tournament takes place today. Here are Five Things to Know about the Europa League. Here are some previews. Spurs, Swansea, and Wigan are all in action.

Let's take a moment to check in on Americans Abroad with the latest installment of Americans Abroad.

Phil McNulty was at the Emirates yesterday. He's a good writer. Let's read.

Let's conclude,

SSN

Arsenal Bring Sexy Back & Napoli Fans Riot, Chelsea Win & Greenpeace Drops a Banner, Balotelli Crap Penalty, U.S. Open Cup

Napoli fans show their class at the Emirates

Come on. What's wrong with Gazprom?

There's not really any place else to begin this morning other than at Arsenal. The Gunners turned what was supposed to be the clash of the day into a one-sided affair with a display of sublime skill that effectively killed off the match before many of us could got settled in prime viewing mode. Barney Ronay was at the Emirates and Michael Cox has five reasons why Mesut Özil is such a special talent. Prior to the match, some traveling Neapolitans showed their class by attacking Piebury Corner. That ain't right.

Elsewhere, Chelsea won their must win match in Romania with ease (but Torres was hurt), Fabregas scored the goal that allowed Barcelona to beat 10-man Celtic, controversy in Amsterdam as Ajax and Milan drew 1-1 (Balotelli Bullshit Penalty), and Atletico Madrid continued their fine form with a win at Porto. Here's a wrap. And another. And one more. Hah!

In case yesterday wasn't enough for you football-loving fools, today we've got David Moyes and his very hot seat in Ukraine to face Shakhtar Donetsk (Jonathan Wilson says watch out!), San Pellegrino vs. Pep in Manchester, and Copenhagen in Madrid to face a Gareth Bale-Less Real. Here is today's preview.

Did you know that the Lamar Hunt U.S. Open Cup Final was last night? The 100th final? Neither did we. D.C. United won the thing by upsetting Real Salt Lake at Rio Tinto. Here are some thoughts on the matter.

Let's stay Stateside and take a look at the USMNT's Hot List. Hot? Aron Johannsson. Not? Michael Bradley.


balo by 11MYM

The fix was in,

-SSN

Champions League, Podcast, Scribes, Zlatan's Burger

Even Chuck Norris couldn't fit it in his mouth? Uh, that's what she said?

Whew! Let's get this party started, right? So much to tackle today. Where to start? The Podcast would make the most sense, right? Here we go: AC Jimbo has Iain Macintosh, James Horncastle and proper journalist Owen Gibson in the Football Weekly pod to pontificate on a weekend of Manchester-flavoured misery, with both United and City losing in pretty ropey fashion. Can the Red Devils and the Citizens bounce back in the Champions League, with tricky ties away at Shakhtar and at home to Bayern Munich respectively? Shirely not. Elsewhere in the Premier League, Arsenal continued their impressive start, Luis Suárez scored a brace for Liverpool - which is appropriate considering he was suspended for etc etc - and Fernando Torres showed his nasty side as Chelsea drew with Spurs. Sid Lowe and Rafa Honigstein help us muddle through the rest of the European fixtures, and we get mighty excited by Steve McClaren's imminent appointment by Derby County.

There five goals at Goodison Park last night. Newcastle were atrociously poor (Tim Howard got an assist!) but somehow managed to only lose 3-2. Saj Chowdhury was in Liverpool.

Marcotti has been musing again. His thoughts are thus: Carlo Ancelotti prepared for Real Madrid hot seat, Moyes' media mix-up, Zlatan vs. everyone.

Sticking with The Zlatan for a moment, he now has his own Burger. Yes, it's called "Le Zlatan" and it's massive. And it costs €29.90 ($40.50). Yikes! Kind of breaks the stereotype of Parisian cuisine, no?

OK. Back to the matters at hand. The Champions League returns today. Steaua Bucuresti host Chelsea. Arsenal host Napoli. Ajax host Milan. Celtic host Barcelona. Here are myriad preparatory offerings:

Tuesday Preview

Miguel Delaney: Methods key for Wenger and Benitez in UCL

Steaua Bucharest vs. Chelsea: Odds, Preview and Prediction

Arsenal vs. Napoli: Date, Time, Live Stream, TV Info and Preview

Matchday Two Preview

Major League Soccer is designed for parity. Which can be good. But it can also suck. Ives looks back at the weekend in the U.S. league.

Scribes! Your Tuesday opportunity to take a look back at what went down of note around the world over the weekend. We've had a chance to digest everything, so let's dig in again:

Sid Lowe in Spain: Atlético Madrid have truly arrived after conquering Real Madrid again

Phil Ball in Spain: Atlético celebrate a record-breaking start to the season as Real's problems continue.

Tim Vickery in Brazil: Cluttered club calendar causing conflict.

Raphael Honigstein in Germany: Schalke staggering towards another shambles after Hoffenheim draw.

Paolo Bandini in Italy: Torino make their mark on Carlos Tevez, but Juventus take the points.

We mentioned yesterday that Gervinho is playing well at Roma. Just how did he get his groove back?

Let's terminate today's post with something from Amy Lawrence. Amy's talking some Higuaín. Gonzalo is thriving at Napoli on the back of the Maradona factor. You see, the Argentine opted for Napoli, the club synonymous with his hero, and is already regarded as one of Serie A's best.

Do it,

-SSN

EPL Upheaval, Atlético Beat Real, Monday Night Football

¡Dame la cara, Jan!

A Happy Monday to you! Sky is calling it "Shock Saturday" and rightly so. Why? Manchester United lost at Old Trafford to West Brom. Did you see that coming? Neither did we. Manchester City lost at Aston Villa. A bit easier to digest, surely, but still a surprise. That's the first time both Manchester squads have lost on the same day since 2008. Wow. Could this be the most exciting Premier League season ever?! Ahem.

Elsewhere, it was honors even at White Hart Lane as Spurs and Chelsea drew 1-1 and Torres saw red. The Spanish striker had his best match in years, but let things get a bit over the top when he unveiled his newest move on Jan Vertonghen. It's called The Claw. Torres could be out for a while.

Here's a review of all the weekend action, followed by the usual (and critical) reports & features:

Phil McNulty at White Hart Lane
Jamie Jackson at Old Trafford
Oliver Brown at Old Trafford
Paul Wilson at Villa Park

Joe Lovejoy at Liberty Stadium

Five Thoughts

10 Talking Points

Team of the Weekend

Garth Crook's Team of the Week

Tactics

Jamie Jackson: David Moyes at Manchester United: where is it all going wrong?

Good match, Steve. I'm going to go barf now...

It's Monday and there is football at night. Tonight. Hence, Monday Night Football. This week's offering is unbeaten Everton at home against Newcastle. It all begins at 3pm EDT and you can catch it on NBCSN.

The Madrid Derby was on Saturday and Atlético Beat Real, 0-1 at the Bernabéu.
Guillem Balague offers his take on the match, along with a word on Messi's injury. Here's a review of the key action in La Liga.

Over in Italy, Roma stayed perfect by demolishing Bologna 5-0 (Gervinho keeps scoring) Juve edged Torino in their derby ("ouch," says Tevez), and Inter drew at Cagliari. Here's a wrap.

We'll finish back in the USA with MLS: Five things we learned in Week 31.

Boo. Yaa.

-SSN

Weekend Previews, The Joy of Six, AVB vs. The Special One, Isco, Big Interview

It's Friday so let's bust out a Joy of Six. Today's a bit of an odd one. It's matches to remember from days when West Brom beating United was not a shock – from Denis Law to Cyrille Regis and an eight-goal Old Trafford thriller. Boom.

Thierry Henry has a meme. Really.

Previews? Yes. The biggie in England is Tottenham vs. Chelsea. AVB and Jose used to be buds, you see. And now they're not. And Spurs look good this year. And Chelsea look a bit suspect. Elsewhere, Manchester United host West Brom (see above), Manchester City go to Villa, Swansea host Arsenal, and Sunderland welcome Liverpool. Here's all you need:

Preview

10 Things To Look Forward To

Lawro's Predictions

Paul Merson's Predictions
José Mourinho and André Villas-Boas: how the inseparable duo grew apart

The man making waves at Real Madrid is not Ronaldo. It's Isco. He's being compared with Zidane. Whoa! Hold on there, buddy! Andy West takes a look at the Golden Boy award winner.

We mentioned the appalling refereeing in Madrid's match earlier in the week. Graham Hunter digs deeper. Madrid? Yes, The Derby is on Saturday.

The Big Interview is Sol Campbell. Sol says racism may force him out of England to be a manager.

Hey, there was a match in Serie A yesterday and it was a good one. Inter came from behind to defeat Fiorentina and remain unbeaten. Here's a report.

We'll finish today by returning to Tottenham. They signed Christian Eriksen. Amy Lawrence filed this piece on the Denmark Number 10.

-SSN